Piece of Work

"You know some mornings you really are a piece of work." - My adoring husband. 


No freaking way. I can't even begin to imagine why....but I sure can try to fill you in. Before you read, please know that I haven't slept more than 4 hours total, per day, since last Tuesday :) 


Friday, June 1st, 2012. Last day of school!!! So bittersweet - I always cry on the last day of school because I am saying goodbye to "my" babies. I have watched them grow and learn all year then we have to let them go.  We had such a sweet class this year and they will be missed, for sure. 


I was excited to get home that afternoon because Neal was bringing home Beckett's big boy bed!!!  We got him a full size bed because the twin already looked too small.  So, I picked up the kids and we headed home to get B's room ready.


I was getting Emerson into the swing and Beckett let me know he had to go peepee. Super! I told him to go ahead. About 2 minutes later B walks into the living room with only a shirt on saying "eeeewwwwwuuuhhh".  Oh. Dear. Lord. 


So, I asked him if he went peepee in the potty to which he responded no.  Next I ask if he went poop in the potty to which he responded "poohoooooooop." 


He turns around to head back to the bathroom and I see skid marks all down the backs of his legs which makes me scream something that would resemble a horror film scenario to stay put and do not even think about moving.  


I don't really know what was going through my head but I thought - FIRST I will run upstairs and get a pull-up and wipes.  So, I did.  But, when I came back downstairs - my good listener had moved.


I followed the trail of....let's call them chocolate bread crumbs from the living room, into the kitchen, into the bathroom to discover what appeared to be the aftermath of a Monster Truck Mud Show.  


There was shit everywhere. There really is no other way to say it.  Skid marks all over every single surface in that room.  


I proceeded to get B into the sink and rinsed off, threw the carpet in the washer, cleaned the floor, cleaned the toilet, potty seat etc.  


45 minutes later my mom shows up with a bottle of wine, spic n span and paper towel. God love her. 


I slept with B that night (well not really slept but rubbed his back and sang him songs for 7 hours while he dozed).  Neal left Saturday morning for DC to hang out with his brother so it was a long weekend without him home. 


Fast forward to Monday night around 11:30 p.m.


After watching the Bachelorette I laid my head down to rest at 10:00.  I was looking forward to a good night's sleep after a week of none.  Beckett went to sleep in his big bed for the first time by himself since Friday and I can usually count on Emerson to sleep from 8-7 - uninterrupted. 


However, around 11:30 p.m. I hear her start screaming (!!!) So, I run in her room, grab her and bring her back to my room before she wakes up B so I can assess the situation. 


She was coughing & snotty, but to be expected with her 2 teeth coming in and I would later find out she has double ear infections.  I tried to rock her, changed her diaper but she wouldn't go back to sleep so I went and made her a bottle around 12:30.


We laid down in my bed so I could feed her and fingers crossed she would fall back asleep. 


About half way through her bottle she started coughing. Mother freaker.  She has the worst gag reflex ever.  So I sat her up on my leg but it was too late - vomit - everywhere.  All over my bed - Neal was snoring.  She puked one more time and this time it happened to fall in my lap.  


No big deal right? My lap has been puked on before.  But, last night I went to sleep in a nightgown - with no underwear (TMI I know).  So as E and I were sitting on the bed her puke ran DOWN, down, down and RIGHT.INTO.MY.HOOHAH. 


Seriously I am not even joking the.most.disgusting.feeling/thing.ever.of.all.time. 


I had to waddle to the bathroom with a puke covered baby, meanwhile puke was dripping down my legs - got both of us cleaned up and it only took a box of baby wipes. 


Tried to wake Neal up to get the sheets off but he was out so I rolled the sheets back on my side so puke wouldn't go through on the mattress.  


New jammies for E and I, rocking chair, an hour later she fell asleep - laid her down in her crib around 2:30.


Trudged back to my puke smelling room and didn't even give a crap that there was no sheets on it - face planted on the bed only to be woken up by MOMMAAAAAA and B standing in the doorway.  


So, I went and laid with him from 2:30-5:30 - at least his sheets were clean.  We sang songs and dozed in and out until he was ready to start his day- at which time I was not - but that's what moms do.


So, yes, I am a piece of work.  A poohoopy, pukey, smelly, singing, exhausted,
 loving mother piece of work.