The woes of holiday shopping...

I can do this. I can take 2 kids shopping. How difficult can that be? I just need to get a few things - in and out. No problem.

WRONG.  What freaking planet did I think I was living on?

Stop 1 - World Market for K cups - the first debacle there was that you could not push a cart up and down the aisles because they were all blocked by boxes.  Seriously.  So after running into about 10 displays and no luck finding K cups after rude customer service we checked out.  I did get Neal some wasabi almonds for his stocking because he loves them.   At the checkout the lady tells me my total is 34 dollars - I'm sorry for almonds?? Oh no, no that would include a firefighter whistle, chocolate coins, a pez dispenser and a jingle bell.  I'm sorry HOW IN THE HECK did Beckett sneak all that past me and hand it to the check out lady without me noticing?!?! Maybe I missed it because I had to stop and pick Emerson's shoes up off the floor every 30 seconds because she kept kicking them off?  So after I bought all of that crap we were on to stop 2. (I realize I shouldn't have bought all that but there was a line behind me and I just wanted to get out at that point.)

Stop 2 - Bed Bath and Beyond for K cups - first of all let me just say this is the most dangerous store in the entire world.  Why are there 17 foot tall displays of everything that could be made out of glass? Who thought that was a good idea?  After getting something else for Neal (he is so done now) and my mom we found the K cups with the HELP of an associate - they were actually friendly to me - maybe a little too friendly since the guy ran into the wall while trying to help me and stumble/tripped over a ladder. Who knew I still had it?  So we get to the check out with our gifts and Emerson is trying to stand up in the cart - the buckle is broken so I can't buckle her in - and the lady behind us is loudly saying "OH SIT DOWN - YOU ARE MAKING ME NERVOUS - WHY AREN'T YOU BUCKLED IN?!" Lady - you obviously don't have children and my 13 month old can't respond to you yet.  The only thing making me nervous is you freaking out that she is going to fall...so I tell Emerson to sit on her butt and she does and we leave.

Stop 3 - Steinmart for 2 things.  As soon as we get in the door Beckett takes off towards the back.  They don't have carts so I had Emerson in the stroller and was praying to the Holy Trinity that Beckett would stay beside me.  Nope.  He made his way to the Christmas decorations and proceeded to touch everything breakable.  I took his hand and very lovingly led him to the front of the store grabbed 2 pair of earrings after he spun the jewelry stands like we were on the Wheel of Fortune show, grabbed the first scarf I saw and checked out pretty quickly there - no lines. Phew.

Last Stop 4 - AC Moore for tissue paper and a couple secretary gifts.  The first thing to the left when you walk in are Christmas pens/pencils etc.  So, Beckett grabs a 12 inch blue Santa pen and stabs me in the leg with it and starts laughing hysterically.  Since the pen broke my skin we had to buy it.  I reminded Beckett that was not nice and I was expecting him to be a good listener because this was our last stop.  So, we got the tissue and gifts and got in the check out line.  2 people in front of us and Emerson starts screaming for no reason at all and proceeded to do so for 5 minutes until it was our turn. Beckett exclaimed he was tired and LAID DOWN in the aisle, closed his eyes and said he was going to sleep.  Emerson is still screaming, I am smiling and the check out lady decides to have a conversation with Emerson about her crying and telling her "I know this is taking so long and you are ready to go aren't you? Oh don't rub your face that will make it red and you don't want to ruin that cute face!" LADY IF YOU WOULD SHUT UP AND CHECK ME OUT WE COULD GET OUT OF HERE FASTER.  Why do people try to talk to someone who CAN'T TALK BACK?!? Drives me nutssss.  So, she checked me out and it took everything in me not to drag Beckett out of there by his foot because he would not get up.  I had to bribe him with the blue pen he stabbed me with while carrying him out of the store under my arm horizontally across the parking lot.  

We are home. They are both napping.  Thank you Jesus for getting me through this morning. I am never going shopping again and I need some Aleve.